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Managing Stress - Fact Sheet
 Caring for a person with a disability is one of the most difficult challenges that can confront a family especially for those providing direct care.
Not only do carers experience dramatic changes in lifestyle and roles as a result of the disability, they may also enter into a new daily living environment involving new difficulties and hazards. Providing care for another person includes such tasks as accessing community services, providing health care, maintaining family networks and supporting social interaction. The enormous tasks that confront a caregiver can often lead to experiences of stress and frustration when problems arise.
This fact sheet has been written to guide those of us who care, with some simple truths about what causes stress and some effective solutions about how to cope with stress when it comes.
Why We Get Frustrated and Better Ways of Thinking
Have you ever wondered why some people get extremely frustrated and stressed about some things, while others take it all in their stride? How we respond to different events and circumstances in our lives depends on how we react to what happens. Emotional disturbance is not caused by things, but by our view of things. Self-talk allows us to create an internal conversation about the circumstances we experience. This helps us interpret events in a way that may lead to healthy or unhealthy emotional consequences. The stress we experience in response to an action is attributed to our interpretation of the action rather than the action itself.
For example, if a friend or our spouse yells at us, we may choose to believe that we are unworthy of their respect. Alternatively, we may choose to understand that our friend or spouse is tired or just having a bad day. It is not rational to blame ourselves for the behaviour of others. This process can be seen as ABC.
Action
My spouse yells at me.
Belief
Irrational Belief:
I’m such a failure.
Rational Belief :
My spouse must be having a bad day
Consequence
Irrational Consequence:
Depressed / Sad
Rational Consequence:
Mild Concern
The way we appraise or think about specific events is greatly influenced by our previous experiences. These operating systems consist of a set of beliefs, rules, values and assumptions which are directly influenced by core beliefs or underlying feelings we have about ourselves and the world. Core beliefs can be rational or irrational. Two of the most common types of irrational core beliefs are:
- We see ourselves as being helpless.
- We see ourselves as unworthy of love.
Beliefs
The primary beliefs of being helpless and unlovable can be split into three basic irrational self-statement headings:
- I must do well and win the approval of others
- Others should treat me the way I want them to or they should be punished for their inconsideration!
- I should get what I want comfortably, quickly and easily without hardship.
Irrational Idea 1
Irrational idea number one relates to our expectations of personal achievement and the importance we place on other’s opinions. We set expectations for ourselves and if we do not live up to them we imagine ourselves to be inferior. We feel self-hatred or low self worth.
Irrational Idea 2
Irrational idea number two is similar to number one except that blame and unrealistic expectations are directed onto others. We see ourselves as the central players in life and everyone should cater to our needs.
Irrational Idea 3
Irrational idea number three has components of the previous two. However, it also demands that the conditions of the environment as well as everyone we come into contact with must comply with our desires.
These variations or intermediate beliefs are just a few of the many examples of irrational beliefs we have which stem from the initial three. Did you recognise any? Unfortunately, there is very little scientific, realistic, logical or practical evidence (if any) to support why these beliefs are rational (or why they should or must be true) hence the label irrational. The problem with basing our actions or behaviour on irrational beliefs is that we are more than likely to produce irrational outcomes.
Irrational Outcomes
In making appraisals or thinking about problems there are four consequences or outcomes that are generally experienced as a result of irrational beliefs.
The four possible irrational outcomes are:
- Over-exaggerating the consequences of a particular set of circumstances
- Exhibiting low frustration tolerance over tolerable situations
- Demanding that events and/or people should operate differently
- Feeling overly victimised or that another has an unfairly better situation.
Changing Irrational Beliefs
If we wish to change irrational outcomes, we must first change the irrational belief. When thinking about an event, we need to challenge our thoughts about it. This is known as the ABCDE process as we add Dispute and Empowerment.
Take the previous example about your spouse:
The ABCDE’s of changing your irrational beliefs.
Action
My spouse yells at me.
Belief
I’m a total failure.
Consequence
I am depressed and upset.
Dispute
Is this logical? Prove it! Does it help? Is it real?
Empowerment
No, I am not a total failure. For all I know my spouse may be just having a bad day. I am allowing my irrational beliefs to make me feel depressed. If there is a problem then it belongs to my spouse. Thinking I am a total failure doesn’t help anybody. I am not a failure.
By carefully monitoring our thinking we can uncover irrational beliefs and then dispute or challenge them using the ABCDE approach.
Selecting the right coping behaviour
Coping behaviours are the things we can do in response to stressful situations. How we cope will depend on the two types of problems we encounter, which are:
- Problems we can actively do something about
- Problems which we cannot externally do something about.
If you are experiencing problems which you can actively do something about then the best strategy to use is problem solving. Problem solving strategies can reduce, minimise, control, or even prevent stress and anxiety in daily living.
The six steps in problem solving are as follows:
- Define the problem
- Brainstorm for solutions
- Assess each possible solution
- Select the best solution
- Plan how to implement the best solution
- Implement plan and review progress.
Emotion focussed coping
If you are confronted by a problem over which you have little or no control e.g. a family member being hospitalised, then emotion focused coping strategies are recommended. Emotion focused coping strategies aim to regulate, change or control the level of anxiety or stress you experience as a result of a problem. There are several healthy types of emotion focused coping strategies, such as:
Positive reappraisal
This is when you think about the problem and try to see it in a different perspective. There are two different ways of doing this:
- Thinking about what possible good may come from the situation
- Thinking about how it is not as bad as it could have been.
Selective attention
This involves purposely concentrating on specific related or unrelated aspects of a problem. Some people will focus their attention on exercise, watching a movie, completing a project or doing a hobby to divert their attention from difficult problems. Others may attend to things more closely related to the problem, such as organising resources, consoling others, or problem-solving issues related to the main problem.
Seeking social support
This involves finding people you can talk to and expressing your feelings about a particular situation. Finding appropriate people to talk to can be most helpful. Make sure you set up a time to talk and don’t just ‘dump’ unexpectedly on people. Sources of social support include support groups, caring friends and family.
Putting it Together and Actually Coping Better!
Most of us are good at understanding how to improve our thinking and developing strategies for problem solving. The difficult part is putting it all into practice. There are no short cuts to success, other than practise, but there are two points that will help us.
The two major things to remember when coping with a problem are:
- Monitor your thoughts and feelings about a problem
- Make sure your coping strategy is appropriate to the problem.
When you begin to feel stressed, remember to ask yourself whether your thoughts about the problems are rational and realistic. Also remember to assess carefully what coping strategies to use. Trying to solve a problem you can’t change will ultimately be unsuccessful and frustrating. Similarly, using emotion focused coping strategies to cope with problems you can actually do something about, could also be frustrating.
Remember, learning new ways to think and cope takes time. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself the chance to make mistakes. Focus on your successes no matter how small. Coping effectively is like any other major challenge. It requires tenacity, endurance and commitment for change.
Where to From Here?
So now you have the ability to remove irrational thinking from your life and you can express healthy levels of emotions such as anger, sadness and happiness as well as being able to resolve difficult situations. You have also learned to accept the things you cannot change. That’s a great achievement. Well done! However, the physical reality of your circumstances may not have changed a great deal. You may still feel somewhat disillusioned with life. So how do you find meaning and purpose in life’s circumstances - and hopefully some happiness?
Happiness is not an end in itself but rather a product of doing something meaningful and worthwhile. Viktor Frankl was a Jewish doctor who was imprisoned in Nazi concentration camps. After watching his friends and family die, he came to realise that happiness and despair are entirely unrelated to life’s successes and failures. While our lives may not be all that we would hope for, we can still choose to find meaning and fulfilment in our current situation.
Viktor Frankl’s autobriography, “Man’s Search For Meaning”, relates his wartime experiences and outlines the school of psychotherapy he developed based upon finding personal meaning in your own life.
 Adynamia: A lack of motivation after trauma to the Frontal Lobes. Characterised by difficulty initiating activities or completing tasks. Gives the appearance of lethargy.
Agnosia: a disorder of recognition from injury to higher order information processing cells which can result in an inability to recognise or distinguish faces or objects.
Agraphia: inability to write that can arise from trauma to areas of brain responsible for Cognitive or motor skills necessary to write.
Alculia: a disorder characterised by an inability to comprehend or write numbers or perform arithmetic operations.
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Managing stress 
